apartment code.

I'm going to write a book.

After my time in our apartment building, I feel that others need to be informed of what I like to call "the apartment code." You'd think that they would need to educate me.....

Since leaving the wonder & peacefulness of living in the country while in Texas, I've been thrust into apartment life in California for a little over a year now. Oh what a change. I was accustomed to my nearest neighbor being a half mile away. Now they're a half foot away.

Now, you may be thinking that apartment life is great and I'm being a wimp. Let me take you through a normal day in MY building.

First of all, I have a studio apartment. There are no "rooms." The bedroom is in the living room, which is in the office, which is in the kitchen, which is right next to the bathroom door. My neighbor, of course, has the same set up. However, with the help of his "drink of choice," he falls into everything making the loudest possible noises as things fall off shelves and onto the floor. His lack of balance does not stay in his apartment. He also enjoys evenings of sitting out on the community balcony down the hall while enjoying his beverage. When he decides it's time for bed, he stumbles down the hall alternately bouncing off each wall. How do I know? I watch through my peephole. This came back to bite me the night he bounced off the walls and ran face first into MY door. I held back a startled sound and watched him fall to the ground, moaning, with his beverage in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

In addition to my next door neighbor, I have my beloved neighbor above me on the third floor. He enjoys nightly runs.....on his treadmill. I picture him smiling as he runs. Stanford t-shirt. Reebok sneakers. His iPod earbuds in listening to ZZ Top. I, on the other hand, am sitting on my couch with all of my breakables and waiting for the "earthquake" to end.

Just to add to all of the fun, over half of the people there smoke. This makes for interesting smells in the hallway. To entertain myself, I've started a game to see if I can guess each element that makes up each day's "mystery aroma." So far they have consisted of 1) cigarettes & bologna, 2) old sausage biscuits & laundry detergent, & 3) bologna & sunshine. Have I mentioned that these wonderful odors love to find their way through the crack under my door and into my apartment? Febreeze is my very best friend.

These events have given me the desire to write "the apartment code." It is something everyone should know AND practice. At least in my building.

So if you never hear from me again, I must have been cooking when Mr. Treadmill went for his run. I'll probably be found under my oven vent that fell from the ceiling. Look there first. =]


Amy said...

OMW you are so hysterical! Where in the world do you live????? wow.

Amber Dodd said...

Haha...thanks! =] I live in Lodi. Apparently I chose the WRONG apartments. haha